Why is it that when I take a day off for a peaceful period of perusing the cricket, nothing is as it seems?
Heading away from my place of work in my car this week and looking forward to a good day relaxing with the cricket, I was somewhat disturbed to find a sign advising me, as I approached the cricket ground, that “Narrow Lanes do not overtake cyclists.”
Of course, being a curious sort of person I immediately wanted to know what it was that these narrow lanes did do. Did they, for example, overtake the sort of car I was driving? Might I be better off having driven to the ground in an old jalopy perhaps?
Since none of the subsequent signs clarified the situation I was left bemused and uncertain of my place in the world vis-à-vis these Narrow Lanes. But I pressed on.
Having parked the car without any intrusion from these beings I decided to take a coffee at a local emporium while using my rather nifty mobile phone to have a look on the local police and transport website to see if they might have anything to say on the matter of Narrow Lanes and what one should do upon meeting them.
I must admit I was rather taken aback to find that although there was no mention on the official police digital notice board of the activities of these Narrow Lane creatures with their strange overtaking habits, there was a note telling me that the constabulary had applied to the Home Office to allow a greater use of water cannons in the event of any forthcoming civil disturbance.
There was no mention of the cricket match I was attending, but I decided to take extra precautions.
I pondered further: active Narrow Lanes that obligingly do not overtake and clergymen using their holy influence to reduce a crowd’s unruliness by making them wet. This seemed a new world to me and one that I ought to enter with caution.
After all I was now feeling that I had had enough unusual activity for the day, and that really I ought to enter the Edgbaston ground. I paid for my drink and marched forward to the cricket ground where large crowds of people appeared to be intent, as I was, on attempting to gain entrance.
I looked in anticipation for the water cannons but there were no gentlemen in black to administer to the liquid needs of the crowd, and indeed I had no luck searching out the slow moving Narrow Lanes which I was certain by now could be involved.
Bemused and uncertain I edged closer, passing as I did the Robust Dry Cleaning Emporium which had a sign outside announcing H2O Dry Cleaning – which I took to be a wet dry wet-cleaning process, perhaps overseen by the water cannons.
Certain that there could be no more strange experiences on offer, I edged closer to the ground only to find a policeman with a megaphone striding up and down beside the densest part of the crowd, calling out “Ladies and Gentlemen, the queue you are in does not exist.”
A conundrum indeed, but eventually I did gain entry to the ground, and settled down for a day’s positive cricketing uninterrupted by moist clergymen, non-overtaking narrow lines, wet dry wet-cleaners and non-existent queues.
But peace there was not to be for I then found a gentleman inside the ground handing out leaflets which told me that on each occasion that the England and Wales Cricket Board had put out a team for a test match in the last eleven years, global temperatures had gone up by 0.1 degrees centigrade.
In other words the 11 men who play cricket for the ECB are responsible for half of all global warming.
What is more extraordinary, I quickly calculated, is that if we add together all the figures from all the major international cricket teams in the world we find that they are responsible for in excess of 180% of the rise in temperatures during that period.
That would seem to imply that if I could stop my village cricket team from playing we could do more to save the planet from heat death than I have been able to do thus far by leaving my fridge door open each night.
It was while musing on these matters that I partook of some luncheon whereupon I found a sign that informed me that the jam doughnuts were on special offer. Since I am rather partial to such foodstuffs I picked one up with the tongs provided and put it on a plate, looking at the same time for the special offer price.
And then I saw it. A message clearly printed out from a computer’s program. “Was 60p. Save -10p now 70p.”
I think that by and large rather summed the day up.
After all that, the Admiral Storage System seemed rather easy to comprehend, and is most certainly not responsible for any sort of global warming.
You can find more information about our facilities on our website at www.admiralstorage.co.uk. Alternatively, you can call us on 0800 7839 516.
Admiral Self Storage Ltd
Tel: 0800 810 1125