On collecting signs

You might think that being a sign collector is a little odd, or even unusual, but among my customers there is at least one such.

I have written before about clients who collect unusual things and then keep part or all of their collection in the Admiral storage facility.

And I must admit that each time I have written about such an issue I have come up with the thought that this surely must be the last time I will be surprised by any of my customers’ activities.

But then along comes another, and off we go again with another tale and another collection.

This week was no exception, and the latest concerns signs.

Signs such as this one that was seen in the car park of Lytham St Anne’s police station.  There are, or were, two spaces designated for

Unmarked Police Cars Only

Looking at that I pondered whether in fact having unmarked police cars in an area for unmarked police cars rather gave away the fact that they were, well, unmarked police cars.  But I am sure the police know what they are doing.

Now let me reassure you that my client is not involved in the theft of such signs.  He didn’t nick something from the police nick, as it were, but rather photographed the sign.  He was then, apparently, approached by two police officers who reminded him that taking photographs within the precincts of a police station without permission in writing was illegal.

Quite how he came to keep the photos I am not sure, but we hastily moved on.

Another sign, which my client actually did have (and I did not think it wise to ask how he procured it) was

Fake Dummy Home Spy Security Surveillance CCTV Camera.

Now if you were paying attention in English lessons at school you will know that two negatives make a positive in English as much as in maths.  So a “Fake Dummy” camera, is presumably a real camera.

Which made me wonder about the thought processes of the average person who is thinking of nicking (yes we are back to the nick) something.  He (for it is generally “he”) sees a camera that he thinks is a fake camera, and then goes on, only to find that it is a fake dummy camera, and thus has got his picture on film and he’s, well, I hardly dare say it.  Nicked.

Next to this in the collection was a sales notice (again the original, not a picture) for…

Quantum Vortex Energy Power Pendants

Apparently such objects would use the energy grids of sacred geometry and Quantum Nano Technology to elevate personal vibrations and hence awareness.  Which is presumably what the Beach Boys were singing about (if you are of an age to remember) with “Good Vibrations”.

Indeed, I can well imagine that there are people from that era who are even now walking about on their sacred energy grids, floating off towards a Californian Nirvana.

And yes, as it turns out my client has been active on the international arena, for up next was a sign which was originally placed at the entrance to the UN World Intellectual Property Organisation in Geneva.  It read

Accès interdit aux chiens

In essence “No dogs”.  But the issue is, how have the clever Swiss chappies who run the UN World Intellectual Property Organisation taught the dogs to read French?  I mean, they are obviously intellectual people in the UN WIPO, so presumably they have intellectual dogs, but even so, it might have been handy to translate the instruction into Dog French.

Which led me to ponder, what is the French for “Woof”?

Naturally I turned to Google, for the answer, but it turns out there are multiple answers such as

ouah, ouah!

which I find hard to believe.

However, the amazing Barkpost website goes further and translates

woof, woof; ruff, ruff; arf, arf; bow wow; yap, yap; yip, yip


waouh, waouh; ouah, ouah; ouaf, ouaf; vaf, vaf; wouf, wouf; wouaf, wouaf; jappe jappe

There were many more signs, but this one at the end caught my attention.  It came in an advert for an “Express home teeth whitening kit”.

It stated…

“Brighter teeth make for confident smiles, better pictures and are excellent at solving complex algorithms.”

I have pondered this long and hard ever since, and I think I know the answer.  Imagine, if you will, a man working in the IT division of an advertising agency, who is endlessly given more and more work to do, while his salary stays remorselessly still.  As his bosses make more and more money by bringing in more and more work to be done by the same number of people, this poor worker has to work harder and harder, day after day.

Such is the level of work he is forced to do that after a while his overseers stop reading his output as he puts the adverts on the company’s website ready to show the client.

So frustrated is he that one day he slips an odd phrase into an advert – expecting of course for it to be seen and rejected.  But lo! either no one notices the use of the phrase “complex algorithms” or thinks instead that since it comes from IT, it must be right.

And now I come to think of it, maybe another phrase for the stuff that accumulates on teeth and that we get rid of by cleaning is “complex algorithms”.

Makes me realise how valuable it is to twice daily remove all those complex algorithms from my teeth and gums.

You can find more information about our facilities on our website at www.archive-document-storage.co.uk.   Alternatively, you can call us on 0800 810 1125.

Admiral Document Storage
Bloxwich Lane
Tel: 0800 810 1125

Email: info@archive-document-storage.co.uk


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